Unlearning bad communication habits

One year ago, there was a communication breakdown on all channels. I nearly created a similar misunderstanding today.

In early 2019, I liked a guy whom I was bumping into every other day in Ubud, Bali but I never told him. Then a couple of months later as I was walking home, I smiled at P. standing at the doorstep to my favorite place. I remarked: "Hi, I love this place, I eat here often."

And so we ate together. 

Turns out that he liked me too.

Notes from 16.2.2019

At P. house around midnight.

Anyway, if I don't feel a hell of a strong YES, it's a NO.

I got up and got dressed.
P.  drove me back… "See you at the dance tomorrow night…!" I shouted after him.

The next day was nowhere near what I had imagined. 

I got to see P. during a super sweaty morning vinyasa… but there was no time to talk… (was he ignoring me?) 

He found the time to talk to other people, so, I left. 

My phone has been broken… It completely let me down. I felt so anxious… I heard messages coming but I could see nothing on the display.

Was he texting me?

P. didn't turn up at the dance in the evening. I still don’t know what has happened. 

I dropped into the knowing that once we’ve done everything we could to achieve a goal, we must turn the outcome to the divine and let the spirit work its magic…
As P. would say, let’s practice non-attachment. Right.

Before drifting off to a short sleep with weird dreams, I tried to fix my phone to no avail. I nervously checked every online media I could from my laptop… My FB message request didn’t get to him…
Unless, P. decided to radically let that all stay in the past while he’s moving on into a new adventure.
Will I ever know? "


Fast forward 1 year
Two things happen.
First, I get a sudden message from P. and you should know that once I fixed my phone back then, there were no messages from him explaining what the f* happened to him.

"Hey Pavlina, I know it’s been a while, but I was hoping to talk with you and apologize for how I left things with us in Bali. If you’re available for a phone call, I’d like to set things straight and give you the presence you deserve."

My answer was: "Hello, are you doing Landmark? 😅"

and then, of course, I agreed.

More here

Second, I was about to date someone new for all the wrong reasons. Like, tiny bouts of loneliness - Hello, anyone in Singapore? 
When we got together, someone else from Bali, not P., kept creeping into my head.

Today, as I’m about to block the new Singaporean guy on WhatsApp because I just can’t deal ... , I recall all the Landmark lessons and how the course helped me renew communication with my parents, forgive my past lovers, strengthen my friendships and gain the upper hand when dealing with difficult individuals. I've become quite the Communication Master since 2016.

So why am I about to hurt someone because I’m afraid to communicate my feelings and needs? He should know what’s up so he can move on faster.

"Hey D., It would be mature of me to let you know how I feel. No need to respond. I am in love with someone else. Not a good place from which to start with someone new! Therefore, I think it’s best not to waste your time. I’m sure that you will find exactly what you’re looking for. All the best."

Some explanation is better than none!

I think he should have seen it coming after I had canceled our date just 2 hours in advance. On Valentine's day.

(Too many memories)

Whom I love doesn’t matter. What matters is that I communicated with the one I don’t love and set him free.
We don't just owe it to others so they may get a deeper understanding and closure, we owe to ourselves and our integrity.

Read my posts pondering the forever-debatable dilemma about when is the right time to have first sex with a new man. It still seems like quite the hot topic! I firmly believe that we should wait if we want to pursue a relationship with that man. I have no regrets for the spontaneous 'live only once' decisions that I've made in the long past nevertheless.
Read details Here
or more:

Here