After all, the bitching about men with not enough masculine energy in them says more about me than anyone else. I revealed that I've turned from a very feminine woman into an analyzing and doing machine, and I didn't like it. Where has all the playful and loving energy gone?
I embarked on a little personal quest to bring it back... Men still seemed like a troubled territory, so I started with dogs. Why do I pass them by with so much fear? Why do I interpret their persistent barking as a menace?
The next time I came across two angry-looking poodles, I caught myself consoling me in my head: Just close your eyes, perhaps you can pass them unnoticed, ignore the noise, not too quick, not too slow, go!
No, that time I shifted my nervous energy to the one of love and joy, I stopped to bend down and pet their little bodies.
Oh my god!
All those weeks I have been preventing myself from feeling this unconditional dog love??? The poodles were overjoyed that I have quit ignoring them. I played with them for a few minutes, so happy that I transformed my fear...
I began using that technique with other dogs, bigger and louder ones - without checking to pet them. Moving along these hounds with a loving, appreciating and playful energy surprisingly didn't feel so difficult. As a confirmation - their barking changed.
Suddenly, it didn't seem as if they hated my guts. There is still one beast who doesn't leave me alone, regardless of the fact that I pass by the land in the evening several times a week. Should I turn around and play?
The other day I took a trip to the east side of the island. New place, new energy, new people, new dogs...
This one absolutely blew my mind. I was breathlessly climbing up one steep hill to find a smoothie bar with a view. I looked up and noticed a beautiful big brown breed at the top patiently waiting for me. I don't remember whether I had to work through my dread or I just surrendered and thought: Bring it on, show me what you got...
I paused to catch my breath, he sensed my welcoming attitude, run up to me - without barking - and I instantaneously knew that he was safe and in need to play! I engaged with him, petted him, danced with him and couldn't believe what a beauty he was. He was so excited to have me there, he smudged dirt all over my chest and left a long scratch on my arm, but I knew it was all out of love... then he hopped away and I assumed, OK, let's follow the dog.
The dog led me to the empty bar as all previous indications disappeared.
I admired my guide.
By the time I reached the top deck, I was soaked in sweat. The view (see photos) was worth every bit of the effort. Plus, I knew that I learned something important.
Perhaps I should be approaching men like I do with dogs.
Believing the best, trusting, and letting them have their way with me. Ha, uhm, well, sort of...
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Please be kind and have some compassion for my non-native English grammar. Applications for voluntary editing are now open.