Saturday, April 25, 2020

Eyes are the windows to the soul

I have not been myself lately.... a pervasive inner conflict between my divine feminine and divine masculine ultimately manifested as a bulky sty inside my eyelid - I didn't know it was a thing until my eyelid swelled, kept on attaining a nice dark pink color, itched and nearly covered all my right iris... I hope it will go down soon! Meanwhile, I act as usual. I drive my scooter with 1,5 eyes, brunch on the balcony with my neighbor and meditate on my condition and the neverending power battle long hours each day.


I see that the stereotypes concerning the meaning of being a woman and the meaning of being a man simply don't fit anymore... have they ever? 
Look at the photo below, I'd say that my inner woman is half of what my inner man isn't.... and there, right there, I understood that in the same way that I have been castrating the males out there I subjugate the inner man within me too... I don't trust him. 
Yet, I need him.
My analytical, protective and objective side will not appreciate my supposed to be loving and sensitive side if I don't become more yielding and won't surrender.
The following adjectives are a little off by the way. These are typical for the Yang (masculine) and Yin (feminine) energies. But not for today's human males and females.



The feminine is loving, soft but strong, not weak, and so is the masculine if embodied right.

I surrendered today. I made love to myself and learned that I can trust my man. It is safe to let go, to lose control in front of him, look vulnerable, and accept my fears... 
I once felt afraid to drive a scooter, now I am a natural. I drive for at least an hour every day to distant beaches, to shops and to fill my water bottles all day long. It is possible thanks to my focused and reliable masculine energy. The moment I acknowledged that polarity as trustworthy and safe everything turned around. I trust the driver I am.

I tapped on meridians to tackle my fear of road accidents and interestingly, I discovered that it's okay to have fear - but if I surrender and trust my inner man, I am extra vigilant and safe as a result.

I am both a woman and a man, both silly and wise, and both healed and ever so messed up.

I give myself permission not to have good eye days, good hair days, flat stomach days, hell - smiley face days and vital body days.
I give myself permission to see myself as beautiful and radiant.

I give myself permission to accept my ever-changing unpredictable personality.
I give myself permission to act boring in front of those who don’t know my instability. 

I give myself permission to be anti-social by default and thus fine with social distancing.
I give myself permission to crave human touch and then despise it at once. 

I give myself permission to overeat.
I give myself permission not to eat at all if I don't feel like it.

I give myself permission to be lazy.
I give myself permission to have manic bouts of overexercising. 

I give myself permission to overthink.
I give myself permission not to think at all.

I give myself permission to read novels 24/7 some weeks and no fiction books for months at a time.

I give myself permission to be motionless.
I give myself permission to be all over the place. 

I give myself permission to feel good about being bad and feel bad about being good.

I give myself permission to judge myself.
I give myself permission to have the most unconditional acceptance of myself.


The world is full of contrasts and colors. I am all and I am nothing.

Enjoy!



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Please be kind and have some compassion for my non-native English grammar. Applications for voluntary editing are now open.