Friday, April 3, 2020

The difference between lust and unconditional love

To me, the difference between lust and unconditional love is: 
Lust fires up at the speed of light, it blazes brightly with heat so intense it consumes you, it requires things to remain the same otherwise - it fizzles out just as fast, leaving a trail of bitter ashes.
Unconditional love, on the other hand, burns slowly, steadily, sustainably, doesn’t demand, keeps you warm and at peace.

You might have experienced one of those intense flames before. A desire that shines a blinding light but gets you burned, confused and left alone in the dark too soon. That was lust without love.
On the contrary, if you've ever felt a true connection before, it evolved gradually, the highs and lows were moderate, you learned through love and grew into a happier person in the process.
Chemistry can always be created.

Ask yourself: Are you happy now?

So I had to choose differently this time. Believe me, his eyes are still haunting me in my bed before falling asleep.
Yet, the twisting and turning was a great indicator that I made the right decision. One could say, it was the kundalini sexual energy on fire (partially), but also - the body never lies. If you're happy and content, you do not wriggle. You live your purpose and then you sleep soundly... it had not been the case before I surrendered. The present shallow interactions are helping me regain my rest.

Although I do not know much about unconditional love other than from my spirit guides, God, the animal realm and perhaps that very first boyfriend 12 years ago, I recognize what unconditional love isn't.
Once again, I turn around and I see that despite all my efforts not to date my father, I nearly dated my father.

The boyish rebellion, emotional resistance, and egoistic demands to be oneself - which had nothing to do with self-actualization - would be the traits of the wounded masculine, and yes, that of my father's too.

A man who is ready to give love and receive love doesn't need external validation of his autonomy, in other words - his toxic masculinity - in the eyes of the world. 
To control or demand is to abuse power.
If you are a healthy masculine man who is at peace with the feminine, intrigued by it, trusting it and loving it, you follow your heart and let love take you to its depths. There might be fear, anxiety and discomfort - it will change you, but you are welcoming the process of breaking down the society-made limitations of what it means to be a man. You don't need to be perfect or fearless, you just need to be there for others who count on your protection and integrity.

Else, if you are not willing, you'll come up with a more urgent matter (excuse) to take care of and your wounds will never heal.

A woman who is ready to give love and receive love focuses more on the circulation of playful, loving energy rather than an elaborate action to effect a certain outcome or manipulate someone to love her. 
Sex is not the doorway to a male's heart. (I really didn't know that. It only just struck me.) It must be true since I would have been the first one to test it!
The wounded feminine is a little disconnected from her body/heart - what does she really, really want? Why doesn't she give herself what she deserves?
Contrary to what she thinks, t's not an alpha-male in the bedroom.
A healthy feminine woman wants to be seen for who she is, held and cared for.  She settles for nothing less than a protector who is ready to take off the shield when with her and shed the armor together.

I might have made a few mistakes in the past... but I could not be wiser to start taking actions aligned with my values - to have an authentic, conscious and honest relationship with a man who is ready and available physically and emotionally.
And as you know by now, I'm reluctant to sleep with boys/wounded underdogs/pussies or jerks to ward off my loneliness and apathy before I find a grown MAN.
We're in global isolation for f-sake, I can sit with my feelings for a while! ;)

Happy quarantining


Overcoming the Fear of Love
I'm including a 20 minutes long TEDx video that is worth watching. Dr. Trillion Small is authentic, super-likable and a real feminine woman who’s just like us learning to overcome barriers to true intimacy. I liked her talk because it's not polished or smug but it's genuinely vulnerable.




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