Friday, July 24, 2020

Prague Romance

The morning after, I felt awkward.
Wait, first a little background story.

Ten days ago I met a man. Kind-hearted, well-traveled, trustworthy, caring, a great listener. I felt an instant attraction… This tall dark stranger with big brown eyes was sent from heaven to make my arrival back to the West, back to the city, and back to the reality of my difficult family relations a little easier. The day before meeting him, Prague seemed sooo beautiful, so crisps, so fresh, so wonderful without all the tourists. It was like a dream walking across the Charles Bridge and not physically bumping into people or needing to use my elbows to make my way through the crowd. My favorite shopping mall looked also very unobstructed. I could see all the way to the end, around the corners, and enjoy a chat with my pregnant friend in peace.
Perhaps not helpful for the economy, but great for locals to reconnect with the city…

I felt at home, welcomed, and happy. There he comes, gives me crazy butterflies, and sweeps me off of my feet. My pre-birthday dinner with him shouldn’t get dismissed, he was so thoughtful. I took a break from my family members in the south bohemia to come back to Prague for several reasons. Yes, I had important appointments but true, I wanted to see him again. What?? I know you for less than a week and I can’t get you out of my head??

Well… I couldn’t and I didn’t want to.

Kissing him at 10 pm under the stars near a fountain in Havlickovy Sady topped the perfect summer date.

Life is short. 

My time in the Czech Republic is ticking.
On Friday I have a flight to my new career. I loooove it! I have searched for a job like that for so many moths….
I am decided about what I want to do.

I like this new man, and I accept that I might have found something good which I’m dropping now in favor of something unknown.
But that’s ok.
We still have a week to go.
I have a family celebration this weekend, he is
 camping, and we might see each other afterward. 

Or we might not. 

Was sex with him all I wanted? 
Was sex with me all he was after?
I’m not sure.

The attraction was huge… but not unbearable. I could have easily waited before sleeping with him, eager to have many more of our fascinating conversations without any physicality.

But that night it felt right…
I have to own my choices.

I would have waited if I weren’t departing so soon, yet, I craved him physically and spiritually too. It’s been years since someone made me feel that way. I know that I desired to merge with him on that night and I don’t want to care about the dogma.

The morning after…. I felt a little awkward. 
The mystery was gone. My fear is that he doesn’t want me anymore… so what do I do? I run. Preventatively.

I feel a lil' sad that we weren’t given a chance at love, a real relationship.

The universe has its funny ways. 




Monday, July 20, 2020

The beauty we fail to see within, especially, when dealing with unkind family members.

During my meditation experience earlier today, I observed how objectively I can reflect on what’s going on outside of myself. My grandparents' old-fashioned behavior, my mother's efforts to put the past behind, my sister’s avoidance of feeling pain of any kind, and my own detachment from it all. The whirlwind inside looks like a piece of cake when I separate it from pure consciousness.

I could reflect on and forgive my imperfect behavior, seeing it as a way to protect myself, creating a defense mechanism from false accusations and misunderstandings. I can understand that my childhood wounds dictate how much trust I’m ready to disperse since its supply is limited.

I realize why I consider romantic relationships unstable, why I used to feel safer on the road, and how I’ve changed to now willingly settle for something calm and secure. Like a guaranteed well-paid job offer overseas, for example, where I’m being chased to start as soon as possible and commit to at least a year-long contract. I love it!
Security is calling me. 

I find it rather funny how friendships withstand the test of time as if nothing happened. They resume where they’ve left off as if goodbyes were said only yesterday. On the other hand, many relationships start breaking apart at the speed of light even during a short absence.

Everyone knows that long-distance relationships suck. So don’t…

Regarding families, sometimes distance helps to recognize that our love-hate relationship is mostly love. Absence grows the heart fonder. Except, differences are differences and no time apart can reconcile different characters and magically make them get on well together. 

Christian Standard Bible
Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his hometown, among his relatives, and in his household.”

I'm not religious but I frequently pray to angels and other spiritual beings.

I pray not to succumb to guilt that I've chosen to leave, that I've chosen what’s best for me.

I pray not to succumb to shame that I might have failed. As a daughter, as a granddaughter, sister, cousin, or a past girlfriend… I’ve always done as best as I could for that given time.

During my meditation-prayer, I not only observed the light within me, but I felt divine love pouring all over me. Perhaps it was Archangel Jofiel who came to console me and help me open my eyes to my inner beauty. 
Why? Interpersonal relationships with all their differences trigger guilt and shame no matter how hard we pray. Loving ourselves helps ease these feelings.
Sometimes it's a struggle to see the outside beauty, thus the gift of our inner radiance must become the unshakable foundation for self-love.

I don’t know why the connection to the divine felt so intense today, so real tears streamed down my face and gratitude filled my aura field. A complete acknowledgment of my light and also the difficult ordeal that ‘no one is a prophet in their own family’ weighed heavily upon me, yet the support and gratitude rippled through me and I've chosen to stick with the light. It would have been too easy to fail to recognize my fortune, my progress as a human, my spiritual work, and healing. I forgive. I just cannot forget the past, not feel afraid of more hurt and disappointment and humiliation. Is that wrong? 
No, it isn't. Deep down I trust the slow healing process when it comes to this family of mine.



 

Thursday, July 2, 2020

The Prophecy of Whales

I had a serene dream where beautiful whales came to visit...

I'm getting ready to travel back to the Czech Republic, and sort of getting the feeling that how I'm gonna spend a year from now will be crucial. In a little over 3 weeks, I'll turn 33. I feel like it's a spiritual milestone. The number 3 stands for communication, and number 6 for love. 
According to Reiki teachings, I'm moving into fully embodying my fifth - throat - chakra. Every 7 years we move up the energy centers/chakra scale. From my own experience, I can say that those past few years have been all about authentic self-expression, finding my voice, letting myself shine by being true to who I am, and unapologetically, compassionately accept where I'm coming from. 
By the time I reach 35, I need to be ready to speak my truth confidently which will give rise to fully embracing my inner wisdom - the intuitive knowing behind the sixth - third eye - chakra.
I have too much on my mind at the moment!
May the last days in Thailand be blessed.

Whale Spirit Animal
Author: Elena Harris 

"The whale spirit animal is the earth’s record keeper for all time. As a totem, the whale teaches you about listening to your inner voice, understanding the impact your emotions have on your everyday life, and following your own truth. When the whale enters your life, it may be time to closely examine where you are, the actions and emotions that have brought you to this point, and what you can do to alleviate existing drama and unrest and find peace. Those who have the whale as their animal totem are in touch with true reality. They are nurturers and go-getters who understand there is more to this life than meets the eye."

Whale Symbolism

The whale is commonly associated with emotion, inner truth, and creativity. Here are additional meanings for this totem:
Wisdom holder
Physical and emotional healing
Keeper of history
Importance of family and community
Emotional rebirth
Peaceful strength
Communication

"The whale is symbolic of that which cannot be easily vanquished — just as a person’s inner truth, voice, and creativity cannot be easily silenced or subdued."

Whales and Communication

"Whales are amazing communicators able to connect and coordinate with other whales over thousands of miles of ocean. The whale supports us in communicating clearly from our hearts to bridge large distances with others. Whales are also very family-oriented, so the whale helps us bridge any gaps that are keeping us from connecting deeper with our loved ones. Whales support us in speaking our truth with emotion, vulnerability and power."


from:  https://www.spiritanimal.info/whale-spirit-animal/