Thursday, December 10, 2020

New chapter

I'd like to write a post titled: How to feel like 20 again.

but... 33 is not too bad either. It's different! I don't chase boys, nor recite my parent's opinions anymore and I don't give in to every sugar craving prompting me to snack on sweets 10x a day.

[I successfully reduced it to 1x-2x a day. A sweet protein shake for brekki and one chocolate square (or three) sometime later. ha!]

If I was 20 years old, I'd probably walk downstairs right now and join in for the fun. I'm staying in a hotel in Scarborough, recovering from a minor medical procedure. The 3 lads downstairs are - ehm, impossible to ignore! Last night was spent shouting: Shut the fuck up assholes! to no avail until midnight. Afterward, I had an amazing unbroken sleep till 7:30. Yes, not too bad. This evening seems to be the same... I'll save my breath. Again, if I was 20, I'd walk downstairs and demanded some of their beers and splifs and hoped I'd look so cool in their eyes.

Oh well, I'm not 20 anymore.

I've done my private ecstatic dance in this 3m² and now I'm enjoying some red wine. Alone. They're still talking and laughing. I can hear everything through the paper-thin walls, yet it's not as annoying as the previous 2 nights. I'm too lazy to go and introduce myself, I don't feel like a splif, and I... think... I've got a boyfriend now, so... I'm less curious to see who's partying below my room. I also know that I'll get some sleep regardless and then have an inevitable wake up call at 7:30 am when they get up for work. At least I'll manage to pack and set off on my next adventure. That's what matters. 

I've unburdened myself on all levels possible. Physical, emotional, and spiritual. I left the job that was sucking the life out of me, I removed myself from stress and pressure and underappreciation and I embraced the unknown. I know I'm meant to heal as many people as possible - those who are ready and have the means to seek me out. I'm available and I'm willing. I released the false premise of security. It was only an illusion disguising control, coercion, and staying small and stuck in this increasingly ill world. I'm not talking about corona - that is a symptom of how sick we've become as a nation full of brainwashed sheep.

I'll write more about my take on the pandemic next time ... I'm grateful that, thank god, I didn't give in the collective fear despite my whole family contracting COVID. Their sound mind and lack of panic pulled them through. The media don't tell you all the truth.

I'm free. We're all free if we want to. We must trust our higher selves unconditionally.

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Please be kind and have some compassion for my non-native English grammar. Applications for voluntary editing are now open.