Celibacy and Healing - Yes or No?

I was asked to write something about celibacy. Especially, staying celibate while we're healing.

We are always healing. As long as life's happening, there will always be trigger points to shine a light on, obstacles to handle, physical ailments to treat, and emotional blocks to unblock. Does that mean that we shouldn't let another person near while we're dealing with this life of ours?

I'll let you answer it for yourself. 

In my world, healing never stops. I associate healing with self-improvement, personal growth, letting more love in, learning the balance between giving and receiving and having so much awareness that we no longer sabotage ourselves. Ideally, no circumstances can stop us from manifesting the life we'd love to live.

Celibacy is a whole another realm. I flirted with it in 2017. It's hard to flirt with celibacy though. You either go all-in, knowing your why and knowing what will be the sign for you to quit, or you better not torture yourself. Some people abstain from sex with gusto. They have a goal in mind - that's usually a healthy relationship as a reward of their strong will and devotion to themselves or to a chosen deity. I like that idea. I tried it. I admitted that I had not had a lucky strike for a few years and that the best thing would be to take a break from dating for a year.

Perhaps because I began celibacy while not a virgin anymore, my life felt very sexual even while celibate. I would still see clients for Tantric coaching, help them with their sexuality, I'd sex-text with my past lovers and even kiss some random lads if it felt right. I would not sleep with anyone. A few months into the year-long experiment, all kinds of shadows bubbled up, and I had to deal with more than just feelings of horniness. In my case, gaining awareness of unhealthy patterns that ruined my success in love was worth the wait. Nevertheless, the sexless year was agony!

Celibacy half-hearted is insincere and all the healing work that one could do while abstaining is half-arsed if there are still sexual undertones to everything you do and a lot of masturbating in between. Yes, orgasms are means to stress-release. Running towards physical pleasure is also the perfect way to avoid feeling the inner void. 

Does it mean we cannot grow/improve our lives if we're not celibate?

Absolutely not. The answer is this simple because nothing can prevent us from enlightenment if we don't let it.

But don't cover up what's not right in your life by too much physical stimulation, or any stimulation of the senses (Tv), and engulfing yourself in sexual pleasure. You're avoiding doing the inner work and gaining awareness of how you're sabotaging more sustainable happiness.

Sex with someone you love is amazing. I don't like celibacy. I hate when I am in a relationship and for some reason, like distance, I can't practise regular love-making with my man. But when I'm single, I prefer to stay celibate with moderate self-pleasuring and do the deeper healing work to make sure that the person who comes into my life next is the right one for my body, my mind, and my spirit too.

Thank God, I now know how to heal without abstaining from sex altogether...