Wednesday, March 17, 2021

From a loser to a free spirit to a life coach

Do you also have a friend who sorts of 'inspires' you to feel bad about yourself? Not their fault at all. What they say or do just simply triggers something in you that would have otherwise chilled in the background. Until they, or too much wine, bring the subject up.

A phone convo:

"We decided to work on a second child..."

Wow, that's amazing!

"We realized we have good stable jobs and frankly, we've gotten kinda lazy physically, you know, we're not the youngest..." (and she's still 3 years younger than you).

Oh, shut up about the age...but I'm really happy for you two (and I truly am) Enjoy the process of working on becoming pregnant!

"Haha, you know I'm not so into that [sex], but I love being a mother..."

Upon hearing that you start sinking into your old, or current, story. My recent story is that of a sad breakup. I fucking love sex, I miss it and I'd kill to be a mum!

Then you go further, you wanna be a parent to at least one child (yesterday would have been great), your heart is filled with so much love to give... your parental instincts woke up quite recently... because you met an idiot disguised as the special guy... So I zone out and desperately try to shun back the burning tears, but it's too late, a few began rolling.... still, I'm not gonna cry my eyeballs out, not today, not now standing in front of Marks and Spencers.

Do I seem like a loser to you? I ask her, my best friend of x years whom I adore so much for her organized personality, her unconditional acceptance and her determination to make life as comfortable as she can - for herself and her family.

"Are you kidding me? You've always been a free spirit and experienced so many things and places I've only dreamed about. Whenever I speak with you I feed of the freedom you have and it makes me feel like I'm free for a moment too."

Well, I don't get that logic... but, whatever she says.

I'm a wishing-well person. I'm so happy for those of my friends who are doing well and I feel and cry with those who aren't. I've had too much focus on myself lately. I think I'm not 100% over the fact that I invested so much energy and resources into an imaginary relationship with an emotionally and physically unavailable man.

But shit happens if you let it. I let it.


If I'm gonna commit to becoming a full-time life coach, I better start with myself. I gotta be the best coach I've ever had. I paid for a few before and I was disappointed. Maybe this is my time to live by the example that I set. I must be my best client and make bloody sure that I don't break any more rules that I set.

Like - Don't date idiots.

But also, don't drink more than a glass of wine up to 3 x a week, dance every day, eat clean, stop limiting your abilities and pushing joy away. Dream big. 

Just a few tips to start with.

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Please be kind and have some compassion for my non-native English grammar. Applications for voluntary editing are now open.