What is a rebound in the context of relationships?
It is an affair we use as a means to an end - so we can get over someone else. The questions are: Can it still turn into a healthy, lasting relationship? If it ends abruptly, as it usually does, can it really help heal the trauma from the first breakup?
My short answer to the last question is - No. The pain from a fresh breakup can’t be covered up by other people, sex, food, tv, numbing substances for too long. You have to use other means of help!
To the first question: I don’t know, please read on.
I’m against using people for rebound sex just to get over the one you actually love/d. I swore I wouldn't use other people to get over my breakups. I always knew it wasn't healthy. Because on the three occasions of painful endings of connections that I hoped could have lasted longer, I felt so much anger, frustration, loneliness, and sadness that I wanted to fuck anything and everything. After you're left alone, you most likely feel like immediately jumping to bed with anyone just to get rid of the grief, and it gotta be right there and then. I felt like that. All January and February, I couldn't believe my mental addiction to physical pleasure.
I used to act on it.
I was in a good place already when I met Jake. I went by the fire in my belly. After 6 months, I feel it there again. I need to stay present and take it day by day.
A part of me wonders if I should have put myself under someone to get over someone (Chris) a lot sooner to cut my endless suffering a few months shorter. Then Jake would not have come labeled as a rebound without a doubt.
My way of dealing with loss is, of course, just one side to the story. I'm not proposing that I have the answer to how to successfully get over a breakup to then start a healthier relationship with a clean slate. My budding relationship with Jake could be classified as a rebound, too...But I was healed when I met him.
I'd like to include another take on this matter. An opinion Why rebounds are beneficial and perhaps a necessary part of the healing journey.
If it weren't for the fact how much I adore psychotherapist Susan Anderson and her books helping me heal my grief, the fear of abandonment, and post-traumatic disorder after past abandonments, I would scorn over an article titled:
Here’s why you should get into a rebound relationship
aka Riding high on the rebound.
But it’s not as wicked as it sounds. Enjoy Anderson’s opinion in her short and sweet article here:
https://www.abandonment.net/rebound-relationship
I too believe that definitely after 6 months of healing in solitude, one has gotta start practicing dating again. Btw. for my ex it was more like 6 hours, so... well, you get the picture.
I’m against using people for rebound sex just to get over the one you actually love/d. I swore I wouldn't use other people to get over my breakups. I always knew it wasn't healthy. Because on the three occasions of painful endings of connections that I hoped could have lasted longer, I felt so much anger, frustration, loneliness, and sadness that I wanted to fuck anything and everything. After you're left alone, you most likely feel like immediately jumping to bed with anyone just to get rid of the grief, and it gotta be right there and then. I felt like that. All January and February, I couldn't believe my mental addiction to physical pleasure.
I used to act on it.
However, I didn’t get into a rebound sex/affair this time around. Perhaps some divine forces intervened. Or simply, my temporary yucky feelings didn't get in the way of my deeper healing.
Fast forward a few months, the accidental celibacy became deliberate, and it no longer bothered me. If anything, staying in my own energy helped heal much deeper stuff that was not about Chris at all. There was a trauma so ancient it swept me off of my feet. (I'm glad no fuckbuddy was around to see that meltdown.)
While I dove deep within, read all kinds of therapeutic self-help books, analyzed my behavior in all past relationships, made amends, prayed, visualized, that little man managed another failed relationship.
Fast forward a few months, the accidental celibacy became deliberate, and it no longer bothered me. If anything, staying in my own energy helped heal much deeper stuff that was not about Chris at all. There was a trauma so ancient it swept me off of my feet. (I'm glad no fuckbuddy was around to see that meltdown.)
While I dove deep within, read all kinds of therapeutic self-help books, analyzed my behavior in all past relationships, made amends, prayed, visualized, that little man managed another failed relationship.
A coincidence that he had started a new connection mere coupla weeks after our breakup? Probably not. Perhaps he had wished to get together with her even while we were together. In any case, It was a rebound. No matter what happened between them, the energy of an unhealed breakup can't be covered up by a new relationship, not for long.
That action screams one thing: He has not learned anything in his 42 years of existence of mindless running from one pussy to another, never stopping to self-reflect and admit his own shortcomings.
I apologized for mine.
Has he ever found a fault within himself or does he really think he's a winning lottery ticket as a boyfriend? He's a coward looking for someone to mother him so... Maybe that's why I wished to find someone older and wiser.
My current suitor is all that and more. He's mature, but looks 10 years younger, and wears his heart on the sleeve. Chris will age badly as he drinks a lot, eats mindlessly, and doesn't practice gratitude.
Jake (not his real name) is kind, sophisticated, has his shit together, is a good dad to his grown daughters, and treats me like a queen!!!! I like the last part the most. We've known each other for less than a month and he's already making my life easier. It's now even harder to understand why I put up with Chris's cold-heartedness, even if just for 4 months, and then 2 months more of long-distance longing while he was off chasing the next best thing. It was pure masochism based on an unconscious trauma bond.
My current suitor is all that and more. He's mature, but looks 10 years younger, and wears his heart on the sleeve. Chris will age badly as he drinks a lot, eats mindlessly, and doesn't practice gratitude.
Jake (not his real name) is kind, sophisticated, has his shit together, is a good dad to his grown daughters, and treats me like a queen!!!! I like the last part the most. We've known each other for less than a month and he's already making my life easier. It's now even harder to understand why I put up with Chris's cold-heartedness, even if just for 4 months, and then 2 months more of long-distance longing while he was off chasing the next best thing. It was pure masochism based on an unconscious trauma bond.
A part of me wonders if I should have put myself under someone to get over someone (Chris) a lot sooner to cut my endless suffering a few months shorter. Then Jake would not have come labeled as a rebound without a doubt.
My way of dealing with loss is, of course, just one side to the story. I'm not proposing that I have the answer to how to successfully get over a breakup to then start a healthier relationship with a clean slate. My budding relationship with Jake could be classified as a rebound, too...But I was healed when I met him.
I'm very attracted to this man, and I appreciate him very much.
I'd like to include another take on this matter. An opinion Why rebounds are beneficial and perhaps a necessary part of the healing journey.
If it weren't for the fact how much I adore psychotherapist Susan Anderson and her books helping me heal my grief, the fear of abandonment, and post-traumatic disorder after past abandonments, I would scorn over an article titled:
Here’s why you should get into a rebound relationship
aka Riding high on the rebound.
But it’s not as wicked as it sounds. Enjoy Anderson’s opinion in her short and sweet article here:
https://www.abandonment.net/rebound-relationship
I too believe that definitely after 6 months of healing in solitude, one has gotta start practicing dating again. Btw. for my ex it was more like 6 hours, so... well, you get the picture.
But hey, fear does incubate over time, and Chris just wasn’t wasting any! Perhaps he is a clever little boy after all, getting into a short-lived rebound at a speed of light.
I've written a post about putting yourself back out there a few weeks before Anderson published her article. You can read it on my Instagram here:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CQTxKEVBvMa/?utm_medium=copy_link
I further mentioned my disgust over peeps using other peeps for rebound relationships in another Insta post:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CQ5dp1bh7Io/?utm_medium=copy_link
Please, use your own discernment when it comes to your particular breakup, your own healing journey, and a possible short rebound or a healthy relationship on the horizon.
Good luck! :)
I've written a post about putting yourself back out there a few weeks before Anderson published her article. You can read it on my Instagram here:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CQTxKEVBvMa/?utm_medium=copy_link
I further mentioned my disgust over peeps using other peeps for rebound relationships in another Insta post:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CQ5dp1bh7Io/?utm_medium=copy_link
Please, use your own discernment when it comes to your particular breakup, your own healing journey, and a possible short rebound or a healthy relationship on the horizon.
Good luck! :)
