When a boy meets a girl

When you're faced with a decision to either run away from impending pain or towards elusive pleasure, which one do you choose?
How do you distinguish these two? What if pleasure is only delayed pain, and escaping pain is addictive - then which one is self-sabotage?
Well, I knew it would all mess with my head either way. Then I heard this positive voice from my naive self that perhaps... perhaps not, this time.

I said no word, nothing to anyone, afraid not to jinx whatever it was that I was protecting by keeping quiet. Maybe my superstitious personality took the reins, or maybe I read the overall energy and knew that this love would be over before it even started. Silence is golden.

People tell you and show you very quickly who they are. Believe them. A boy doesn't think, understand, or explain, he just 'does'. He makes mistakes, he tries again. Did a change of behavior occur? Observe his behavior. If there's a sense of direction, leadership, a generous heart of a protector, and clarity, then he's growing.

When a boy has turned into a man he'll be able to finally admit that he isn't perfect, has healing to do, trauma to process, more love to give. A real man will do whatever it takes to get there.

If he tells you that until that's done, he won't be able to love you, not for long, and not the way you deserve, these are alarm bells. Okay, maybe he's exploring his wounded masculine. He can admit to having a closed heart and needing some time to sort out his confusion. Listen to him, he's telling you!

A man can turn back into a boy.
When the above (the wounded underdog) is a storyline that he uses with each and every woman he meets, tries to love her for a bit, and then he leaves her, he never actually steps above the threshold - I'm broken, let me fix it first (maybe with another woman). That 'fear' to go deeper within the given relationship will forever make him want to remain a boy.
He consciously decides that it is safer not to give his heart fully, and so he repeats the same pattern somewhere else with someone else again and again. I believe that our highest calling is to connect deeply, with all of our hearts, with another being/s in love. That's why we get these opportunities for healing and change.

Now swap 'man' for a 'woman' and 'boy' for a 'girl'.
That was my story too.
But hell no, I'm not repeating that pattern again.
I'm a real woman, clear about what I want, I ask for what I deserve, and I'm ready to receive a MAN's heart. A decisive man's, who'll claim me and hold me so tight that I'll experience the pain - the discomfort - of staying, until it turns pleasurable. Because:

If you want to have something you've never had, you must do something you've never done.
-anon

Dr. Joan Rosenberg says that we shouldn't use the words fear or anxiety unless there is immediate danger. A bear is chasing us.
She believes that if we properly label our feelings, we process them faster. "Name it to tame it"

I like her concept. 

I've been sitting with the major 8 unpleasant feelings, as she calls them. I let myself experience the temporary bodily sensations. When I accept my: Sadness Shame Helplessness Anger Vulnerability Embarrassment Disappointment Frustration, within a couple of minutes, it is super clear that feelings are transient.

I say it all the time that feelings are unreliable!