A good day

Saturday.

I struggled to get out of bed on Friday. It seemed as if some entity possessed me... (haha, otherwise, all good up there in my head!) I canceled all appointments for the weekend so I could catch up on rest and some important self-inquiry into my grief.

A friend of mine stopped by to say hello, probably to check in on me. Upon entering my new place which I've been occupying for a little over a week, all the hair on the back of her neck stood up. I told her casually in the door - I feel like I've been possessed. "Yes, I think you were." She stormed in and despite the evening hour, and the beautiful white sage smell, she pulled up all the blinds, opened all windows, and told me to play a 10-hour long mantra in my bedroom while I sleep on the sofa that night. Okay...

You know, I believe these things. The extra foreign energy surrounding me, probably having been surrounding me for a few days, was almost palpable that day. Something was 'sitting' on me. A brick on my head, a chain around my neck, and a heavy curtain-like cape over my shoulders constricting my chest and well, all my movement. I could not function at my best, and waking up at nights probably didn't add to my vitality either. I did reiki, kundalini meditation, visualizations... I still walked like a zombie.
I didn't self-medicate with alcohol, which is normally the culprit behind my tiredness, and I fully processed and forgiven all the recent events that took away my peace. Maybe you don't believe it's possible to do it so quickly, but well, I've had some training in rejection in the last 2 years! Griving was a natural part of the process.

When all demons departed, my friend and I opened a bottle of wine to break my abstinence, and it felt great. After she left, I settled on the sofa and slept like a baby. Nevertheless, I woke up tired and still a bit 'off'. Right, this time it could have been half the bottle of red.

In spite of it, I proceeded to have a nice quiet Saturday morning, and finally felt connected to my body and spirit that has always kept an eye on me. On top of it, I was aware that I'm surrounded by amazing pals and forming deeper friendships with them, that's not to be taken for granted.
Sleeping with a male friend and then acting like nothing happened shouldn't have been on the menu. But well, we tried.

I bumped into 2 goddesses that morning and it made my day there and then already.

Surpringly, my dad wanted to speak, and we managed a heart-warming phone chat. I'm so happy we're on the same page regarding the plandemic... and in my 34th, I even shared the perks of my romantic life for the first time... Well, it's been fairly non-existent so not so much to discuss, but it seemed that he was happy to hear any kind of love story. I told him about hanging out with the loveliest freedom-fighters in Acapulco, what a lucky girl, and about my recent mishap. I have no doubt that I transcended all my daddy's issues. Don’t get me wrong, I still fancy older men and will continue to do so but If anything, the divine masculine stopped being such a perplexing mystery. I understood the complicated role of a father, forgave him for struggling with it, and in return, I received imaginary permission, which I never needed to begin with, to date. I felt from our chat that I was worthy of dating good men and lovable enough to actually choose and date the best one. Thanks, dad!

Then I danced... moving my body freely is a medicine. I ate, too much, but the right stuff, and finished the day with a beach walk while listening to a breathtaking audiobook (I'll write a review when done!)

I am a great manifstor. Especially the last few days, whatever I think of just comes to me in the material world.... including a free massage! A Mexican girl friend wanted to re-connect and called me out of nowhere. Amazing. 

OK,.... let's put my manifesting to test. I'm thinking of a man... an inside out beautiful, loving, financially well off, generous, stable, committed, emotionally healthy, fun, intelligent, physically healthy, fit, in love with me, respecting me, meeting my needs for the right blend of intimacy and solitude, and ready to claim me KINDA MAN ... coming into my life, now.

I'm so proud of how I've changed throughout the years... At times, it felt like failure upon failure, then wallowing in disappointment and frustrations, but actually, I learned, and got better. I have only compassion for myself. I survived my clumsy attempts in meaningful love and career, and it all brought me here.

And here is a good day.