The departure of granny and a new dawn

I'm writing this on a much more positive note than the previous post, albeit a bit out of practice sharing with the public again.

Last night I landed in London and was swished off to self-isolate in a hotel that my agency booked for me... I had been looking forward to those upcoming 5 days like nothing else! A totally different spirit from what was I was in 4 months ago. Another opportunity to rest, recharge, detox, recreate myself anew.

This time around I'm not preoccupied with some little man ghosting me. In fact, I'm finally so at peace staying alone. I'm definitely better off without a cowardly self-centered sociopath - whom I nevertheless loved. For the first time in 6 months, or ever, I feel that true love is possible, and most importantly, still waiting for me. I trust my past choices, no matter how dumb. My faith in God and in the Universe protecting me got me this far, so why wouldn't I trust that all my experiences led me to a place where everything comes together?

That I've not yet found the right person, never had the elusive best sex of my life, and never born any children - it all makes perfect sense already. I simply wouldn't have been ready to appreciate what I'd have if I had found it. So to make it easier on me, God orchestrated no marriage =  no divorce, and a lot of emotional pain to learn what I don't want.

Oh my, I feel so at peace...

The last few weeks were incredible, and I mean unbelievable. At the beginning of the year, I felt something died within me. I went on to survive in an unspecific numbness, to suddenly be brought back to life a few weeks ago. So much action since. Beach relaxation, hiking, making new connections, seeing old friends, and going on lovely dates. Of course, the highlight was spending time with my family and lastly, mourning the departure of my dear grandmother. God rest her soul. She's suffered so much throughout the last two years, it was a release for her, and quite a relief for us. Because other's suffering is our suffering. 

When my sis told me the news, it was still a shock. Although I traveled to Czechia last minute on a strong call of my intuition to say goodbye to granny, the conscious mind still wasn't getting it. I'm so happy I got to see her for a few days before she went to hospice to die. We all thought she'd be there for a few months, maybe even be brought back to aliveness, but mere 2 days later she's gone to heaven. 

That day the news saddened me deeply, more than I thought it would because I believed I made peace with it... To my surprise, the following morning I woke up and the grief that had been sitting on my chest for the last two years since her diagnosis (heightened by the pandemic, my own breakup, and seeing her in pain the week before) was suddenly gone. I felt so light. There was a new dawn, and I felt it. 

I wonder if she came the night before to pass on some wisdom.

I feel absolutely certain that she’s now someplace far happier than where she's ever been while on Earth.
She deserves it.

It's time to make my own health a priority. And I hope that my mother will now put hers too!