Breaking the pattern of dating the wrong or unavailable men

There are plenty of fish in the sea… why didn’t anyone tell you? Hang on, everyone told you! It’s hard to believe it when you’re dealing with grief over losing someone. Some breakups are even, meaning both suffer more or less the same, yet your journeys simply separated. Other breakups are very uneven, one mourns a lot more than the other, perhaps because the other half moved on with someone else a long time ago. On top of the feelings of loneliness, you now have jealousy to deal with.
All can be dealt with relatively fast, healing the present and past damages too. I’m always available to help you with that.

Let’s have a look at an example when if you’re new to the dating scene, you seem to attract not quite the right fish.

Is there old energy that needs shifting?

Dating can be interesting, it really can! Albeit, in the beginning, you might feel exhausted after giving a few men the chance to flirt with you, yet nothing comes out of it. Don’t let the wrong fish discourage you. 

The truth is, even if they were the only fish in the pond, they might not be your fish. The good news is that there are other ponds, rivers, lakes, and seas to explore! 

Why keep your standards and not settle? 

For example, my sister dated a smoker for a year, all the while complaining about it, to then split up with him anyway. If cigarettes or drugs are a red flag, red flags will never turn into pretty little trees.

The pattern of feeling attraction to unavailable men can be broken.

Just keep a few things in mind. First, men don’t change.
Period.
Women change, which sometimes shakes men to the core, so much that they decide to run. Most people don’t do well with unpredictability.
Masculine energy is stable, and men with more masculine than feminine energy will not change. What you see is what you get.
How you found them, that’s how they’ll continue being. How many times did you have to convince yourself of that fact?

You could keep saying: That’s a shame, with all his self-awareness, why won’t he do something about his vices?
Wanna hear another hard truth? He doesn't see those as vices.

Ask yourself: What does this experience teach you?

• It’s not your monkey, not your circus. Stay away from drama.
• You need to work on your self-love and self-worth, even if it is a daily effort. You really aren’t that confident if you keep hating your face and body. You cannot have high self-esteem if you don’t feel good about yourself, and you can’t feel good about yourself if you keep nagging yourself and listening to your negative self-talk. Who else is supposed to love you if not you? 
• Always be mindful of not projecting your pain from past betrayals… that’s gone. If anything, you’ve learned that your heart didn’t break. You get to meet much, much better men to replace those who lack integrity. 
• Do not compare yourself to any ex-partners of your new fish, and definitely not to people you admire. They all have a different path and destiny to fulfill. 
• Don’t go back into the same vicious cycle. 

I’ll borrow from Dr. Kelly Brogan and her video: What to do when you’re disappointed (available only to members on her private platform)

“There it is again. Move on. The pattern is exactly the same as it’s ever been.” - Kelly Brogan MD.


Focusing on some dreamy potential simply doesn’t work. It’s never been available in the first place; just choose to walk away. “Have the courage to see with clear eyes, acknowledge what’s in front of you.” And that it’ll never be different.
Kelly advocates to remind yourself that you have choices. Use affirmations such as:
“I choose to source what I need from places where it’s available. “

Stop the expectations, anticipation, projected fantasy, perpetuating of childhood pain; you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

I hope you enjoyed this little summary as much as I dig this whole topic of breaking patterns altogether!


Happy breaking of patterns! x