Coping mechanisms, separating the story from the facts

Just a few moments ago I was writing another blog post in my head, preparing to add a few hilarious "the shit that men say" moments. ... But then I stopped myself at the tracks.

In fact, we're all in the same boat, just navigating life and relationships in distinctive ways, making a whole lot of unnecessary mess on the way. I am deeply grateful for the chaps that I've met, bumped into, heard about, or kissed in the past. They too get confused and sometimes downright depressed in this mad, mad world with its mad, mad people just like you and I. It's not always easy being a human. 

Yes, I thought I'd pee my pants the next time another left out man tells me that his ex WANTED to be a single mum... and I actually nearly did on Wednesday, I thought wtf came over the men here in Mexico, but today I remembered that rejection sucks, and the more believable reasons we find to accept that it wasn't 'our fault', the faster we survive it. However, most men are oblivious to how they're consoling themselves...

I don't think that a woman wakes up and suddenly wants to be/become a single mum. She'd rather be that than parenting with a coward. She's still going to look for a hero to join her side. Unless she's given up, then yes, single mum will do for her. Women have more balls than men. 

Another coping mechanism of men that I can understand and even came to ADORE, it's their way of compressing the messiness of human conflict into ONE word. For example, a woman asked - What happened between you and him? responds in a drawn-out, muddy, and complex way, stating a mix of detailed emotions with questionable particulars... and that's exactly it - was that really what happened - are these facts? I used to be no different. Separating my experience, the story, from the facts became key. I invented truths that I kept near and dear to my heart, rehashing them in my mind over and over, making myself sick! What evidence do we have of our story being true if the communication between us and them was poor? There were facts, stick to those, strip them off of emotion,s and rephrase the story.

What happened? Ask a man, he'll say Different schedules. Both could tell you a story... an emotional one where they're clearly lost as to what exactly happened. If you don't know, don't go there. Model that male standard, lady. Say Miscommunication. Done. No need to go into details of how much he resembled your ex who crushed your heart by doing blah blah and saying blah, you don't actually know, you made up a story which then seemed true enough, yet it's still piercing your heart years later every time you remember it. 

Look, men are barely grown-up little boys, they too have feelings, dreams, aspirations... sometimes we can't meet in the middle. But I have faith that with patience, understanding of our masculine and feminine polarities, then sticking to the facts when arguing, we can eventually get there.