Clearing, healing, and adapting

The shit that men say satire could go on forever and ever... so it came as a breath of fresh air that someone I met organically and had a spontaneous chat with (in Czech!) actually didn't talk shit.

Yesterday, I got triggered by someone commenting s h i t on my opinion on social media. A stranger of the internet, thinking they know me? They were wondering, apparently, I surprised them by expressing myself like that. "You never talk to me like that" - It would have been funny if it was not meant to be serious. Unsolicited ownership of my media persona. I am surprised that this daringness of strangers thinking they know me still hasn't ceased to surprise me! Forgive me if I'm showing too much of my human side. With all my spiritual self-awareness and meditation training, those odd annoyances still happen. Luckily, my ouvert reaction doesn't last long.

I was able to keep an open mind and open heart when I sat down for an NLP session later on. This time I didn't recognize the third of the group. It was an insightful session, our host Mirella is excellent at what she does and you can tell she's awake, aware, and very intelligent! Afterward, I was introduced to a guy who was also supposed to be Czech, yet we kept talking in English, funny. After half an hour I got him to speak in our native language. It was nice either way. 

Were you thinking that I have nothing good to say about men? Well, how about this: I confess that harbored a silent contempt for Czech men, specifically Prague born... hold and behold, this meeting was so fun that I decided it would be nice to see him again. We shared the same views regarding our culture, language and it looked like his childhood wasn't a walk in paradise either. All in all, it was the most interesting interaction I had with a man since I left England in November.

Funny that the encounter came after I "cleared space."

Not only have I had an argument with Jake the night before and was able to not think about him the whole day, that following morning I also tried an unusual meditation... In fact, I can't wait to do it again today! (I woke up at 5am today and have been creative ever since, so I'll wait for the dreaded slump first!)

I was tapping on my anxiety and fear regarding my finances, my decision to be a full-time healer here in Mexico, and all the previous failed attempts at being financially independent. There was something else... an underlying desire to be rescued. I tapped on that too... like, why the hell do I like being rescued? Why, when I'm rescued by a man, I don't like the dynamic we have together? Why do I resent my rescuer, why don't I still feel free, why does rescuing make me feel trapped, yet safe, and why is it that I require it in the first place???

OMG. I got transported back in time... I was a slave... and the one who bought me became my master, someone I admired, yet also dreaded and... well, I'm not gonna go into details. First - I've never done past life regression on myself, I've had glimpses of my witch and druid life before, but never went too deep into it because I didn't know how, second - I'm afraid that my imagination would get the better of me and the details would resemble too much of what I've seen in the movies. True.

Nevermind, that realization of the master/slave dynamic playing roles in my life was very real. I could recount a few examples where it was clear that the relationship wasn't equal. Respectful and fulfilling many existential needs, but not equal.

That tapping session made me weep, and break some soul-contracts I carried from past lives. It brought upon a cathartic shift. I could not pinpoint the change then, but I felt lighter and better. I switched on Dr. Joe Dispenza guided meditation, and I had further breakthroughs then. Now I know that I can write a new story.

I woke up refreshed and feeling so free and independent. That's what I call cleaning the house from the inside out!

I'm gonna make Mexico my home. I have nowhere else to go. Not sure what part it is going to be, but I'm here for a reason and I'll make the most of it.