Yearning for connection when alone, and craving solitude when being social

Do you also have days when you don't wanna see or speak with anyone?

They contradict our innermost desire to connect and feel part of a tribe.

These contrasting days have been quite frequent for me lately. I noticed how much they deviated from the fear of abandonment that followed right after my breakup. Not many people could withstand spending Christmas holidays UTTERLY alone, yet, it was what I wanted and I wasn't feeling lonely. I received invites to parties and events left and right, I could just pick one and go. There were festive lunches, dinners, beach dances, spiritual conscious (sober) gatherings, boozy brunches, you name it. Some of these meetings would only cost me my own brought food and anything I'd bring to drink. I decided on none of these events. I gathered my own little pieces, cozied up on the sofa to binge-watch the Harlem series (finished! 😩😭), and I calmly proceeded to heal a common cold. The second one in less than 2 months, but this time around it lasted more than 2 days and really needed my attention. The radiation at the airport, a new diet with more GMO corn, a tougher exercise regime, and splitting up from someone I love but cannot imagine my life with got me good.

I felt quite happy resting in my tiny rented apartment in Playa Del Carmen.  It's what I chose.

Once I got over the period of healing my body and my heart in solitude, I started seeing a couple of friends again. I'm beginning with small doses. Busy social life is not on my bucket list, but it's becoming more and more apparent that we cannot do this life alone. I appreciate the new connections that I created here. However, the calling to keep recharging in solitude will always be present.

Be fine with turning into an extroverted introvert or introverted extrovert. Both imply that we like the company of other people - sometimes!

I hope you enjoyed the holidays, whether you celebrated or not, or were, in fact, off work. 

This is a critical time to assemble as much positivity as we can. The world is madder than ever, very murky in places with high control, mandates in place, and many unemployed people.

I sympathize with all.

Best,

Pavlina