The shit that men say

I’ve not had many singular interactions with men since I arrived to Mexico. I only went to a handful of social events but stuck with females, or I stayed in and kept to myself, especially, when I was processing all the recent changes.

However, I’m not an invisible lady… I get stopped by guys on the street, asked for my number on the beach, sent private messages from strangers on social media, and generally, there’s no escaping the human nature. We’re social creatures and we like to mate.

I agreed to go on dates with 4 men.

Here are 4 interactions that have left me puzzled, amused, downright bewildered and beguiled again, not quite in a charming way!

1.

“I don’t know where you picked up your wisdom but I … studied with these gurus, shamans, coaches, healers…”

Ah, if you have to tell me why you consider yourself a wise conscious man at your 50 something years of age, then you probably haven’t learned all that much from all these people. I thought that mature people no longer cared what other people thought about them. Perhaps I was mistaken. 

So… I studied and traveled too. But MY own wisdom comes from God. I could have stayed put for that to happen.

Nearly 20 years difference between us, yet I’m the one who doesn’t feel the need to prove herself. To anyone. Maybe it’s got something to do with my Human Design*. I was born that way! :)

2.

“It’s all good, Love, peace and magic”  While signing off an e-mail or a WhatsApp message.

In person it was no different - all rainbows and unicorns for this male hippie!

I like hippies , I just don’t consider myself as one anymore.

So… needless to say, 1 date was plenty.

Why?

We all know deep down that we are love. But the real world, especially, right now, is not all love and light. Humans do have a shadow, the moment I embraced mine and learned to peacefully coexist with it, everything changed! I’m no angel, but I’m no devil either. Love and light wouldn’t exist without the ability to recognize their opposites - fear and darkness. Then there are the gray lines in between. Everything has a shadow to it. So come on, man, give me some real stuff to talk about!

I call this toxic positivity.

3.

“Don’t be lazy.”

Hahahahaha has that ever worked on anyone? Has that command ever been good for anything?

It doesn’t sound very motivating to me. 

I know that we’re not all coaches or or healers.

So I sympathize. 

Would I use this phrase “Don’t be lazy” with my clients? to help someone summon back their productivity?

Would you use it on yourself when you’re procrastinating?

Nah. There is so much self-doubt behind procrastination. It could even be the inner knowing that what you think you must do is, in fact, not for you/not the right path/not the right solution/ it might even goes against your values. You’re not doing it because you don’t want to. And the paralyzing effect is created by your guilt and shame.

So…. Don’t be lazy as a response to my: I came to Bacalar to work on something but so far I’ve been procrastinating, and not quite doing it… Don’t be lazy.

Aaaaah I just wanna cringe when I hear this.

Instead I replied: See you on Sunday.

Lazy is the farthest from who I am. And if this guy actually met me in person first, perhaps then he’d understand. However, that statement helped me realize what’s really up. 

At my worst, I deal with so much second-guessing of myself, it’s debilitating. 

I am so happy for my self-awareness and for not reacting when someone triggers me. It’s got nothing to do with them anyway.

So I switched gears. I’ve proceeded to do something ELSE than what I set out to do. Something more aligned, and it worked.

Lazy is definitely the wrong word… but hey, perhaps he was nervous about arranging a date with me and just wanted to be ‘helpful’.

Well, he, everyone, deserves another chance, so I’ll go and meet him and see… but there’s already a small minus point. Lol

4.

“I felt this connection between us”

(Yes, I was saving the best shit for the end)

I felt this connection between us… Seriously???? I thought that this phrase was extinct already. 

What the fuck connection? Tell me, wtf?

You said hello to me. Afterward, this girl passed on to you my business card and then you wanted to have a meeting and chat about something spiritual… Fine. Don’t give me that connection bullshit.

After an okayish meeting where you at least seemed ‘non-threatening’ and didn’t bore me to death, I identified you as the man fond of 1000 flavors (my invented label for those connoisseurs that will always, always reach for the next best, more flavorful, entertaining, affectionate, enlivening thing. There’s no stopping them on their quest for chasing pleasure).

I know I might be exaggerating here. But I do give people second chances precisely because I’m afraid that I judge/evaluate people too hastily.

On the second or third date (third chance even!), I then wonder why I abused myself like that.

Now this man is not a bad man. He cheats on his wife with his best female friend, but hey, his wife knows… so it’s not cheating.But fuck, I’m just stunned why do I keep attracting men like these into my energy field.

It’s time to break it to him as he seems to not be getting it: What connection!? What?! I can’t feel it, man!

Ah, I miss my man back in England so much.

He’s wise and nurturing without talking about it, he doesn’t deny there’s evil in the world, sometimes spiraling down just like a human being, yet keeps quickly coming back to love, he motivates me, not scolds me, and he knows there is a timeless inexplicable connection between us without ever using that trashy phase to get me. 

* Splenic Projector has defined spleen and heart - centers of self-worth and high intuition. Defined third eye and throat - so I know who I am, and undefined crown chakra - so lot of wisdom can come in from the Divine. I love Human Design charts and interpretations. Contact me if you want us to look at yours!