Pre-full moon musings, shadow-work, and self-love

We shall experience Libra's full moon over the weekend, yay!
Yesterday, a rare planetary constellation occurred that apparently stirred up some interesting energy. That wave should have inspired surrender and forgiveness - which are also the themes of the upcoming full moon. 

I went to a public sound healing by the beach, it was magical. I was looking at the star-less sky, replaying the recent dramas that felt so familiar they retraumatized me. But instead of feeling anxious, sad, or bitter, I felt peace. It was as if the void finally stopped bothering me, or doing anything bad to me - has it ever?

I loved the outdoor event, exactly what I needed. I felt so blessed to have spent time in Mexico and found my soul family in Playa del Carmen.

Right there and then, I forgave everyone everything. All I had to do was begin with myself, take my power back, and forgive myself for forgetting my goddessness. 

Forgiveness and surrender... My oracle cards confirmed it, and so did my higher self upon waking up this morning... What if, it's not that simple with self-love.

What if unless we do a proper shadow-sweep first (I'll explain the concept later), self-love will always be half-arsed and frankly, quite a vague idea?

So what is shadowwork?

Can we capture our shadow and bash it hard? Haha, try it! 

You'll realize that force doesn't work here. What's needed is GENTLENESS.

Be brave enough to look at all the dark parts of yourself and stay gentle. All the negativity you despise, the traits you're not proud of, the self-sabotaging behavior, the toxic co-dependency, the overthinking, the criticizing, the self-bullying, the perceived mistakes you've made in the past, and all the parts you wish you've never seen because now they can't be unseen, they lurk in the shadow. Every time life gets you down, you get you down, you remind yourself of all these shortcomings in mere seconds - and it feels yucky! Lay all the yuckiness out in front of you and - LOVE IT. Love it with fiery acceptance, love it to health because what is not loved will fester.

You can heal the wound with forgiveness...

I've been quite vague with my sh*t lately so let's put this work into perspective:

I laid out in front of me all my past messy behavior, my early twenties' escapism into drugs, alcohol, and promiscuity, my mildly ADD personality, my despise of long-term commitments, fear of deeper intimacy with a man, panic about whether I want to raise children or not, whether I believe in marriage and monogamy, my unhealthy handling of recent rejection, love-starving, and then the ways I find to flee it all and check out. I forgave the child, the teenager, and the adult in me. I've seen misdirected love and unconscious evil quite early in life, yet I'm here, alive, healthy, and happy.

I feel so fuckin' blessed that I live/d a life many cannot even imagine... so blessed and so grateful.

My fixation on the omnipresent void has been fruitful after all. I feel I've grown since I started experiencing it again and not casting it back into the shadows. I explored it, I played with it...

What if the void never leaves, was my question, then what? Will I die from feeling this lost in space?

(Well, yes and no. I will die from old age, and it might be a different sensation altogether but first - let's reframe the meaning of the void anyway!)

Maybe the void is not that scary.

Love yourself with forgiveness and acceptance, all of you.

This is what this full moon asks you to do with higher intensity now, but it's what your body-mind-spirit asks of you on a daily basis.
This type of work is crucial for your mental and your physical health.

Not until the shadow-work is done, may we fully understand the void of self-love.

What are you rejecting about yourself?

I hope you can see how important it is that you get to know your demons.

If you're a carer like me, you must realize that forgiveness and unconditional acceptance are not only for others. They start with you.

Come to my thing next Tuesday: