Being here and now

Here and Now... the oracle card I've been pulling over and over again and still not quite integrating the message!

I think this is a particularly important time to be in control of our own thoughts.

Last night I had an unfortunate THC experience, but perhaps it was good for a few things. First of all, I used to have terrible paranoia after smoking weed. I would feel more confused and lost than normally so I stopped it about 10 years ago. Then there's the mental aspect of psychotropic drugs. DMT in Ayahuasca would overtake my brain and spirit so much, I'd get anxiety with all the physical symptoms - hot and cold sweat, shaking, and generally feeling as if my nervous system was in someone else's possession. Was someone gathering information from my body? - may be another aspect of the paranoia. 

Last night, I ingested my friend's homemade cannabis oil with the full spectrum of compounds... Rather than going to sleep right away, I stayed up to wait for the full effects, and see how it makes me feel... I didn't like the feeling! A complete overtaking of my body and mind, slight psychosis you could say... I was so paranoid that there was someone in the room, or that I'd try to harm myself, or that my blanket was a man lying on top of me...

At one point, well after midnight, I was side stepping in front of my housemate's bedroom door, contemplating whether I should wake her up and tell her to keep an eye on me.

Even during this little madness happening in my brain, I still knew that that too shall pass... and if it was anything like the hash brownie I once ate on an empty stomach in Amsterdam, it would pass after a solid sleep... I tried, tried to calm down, and drift off... it happened at some point. 

I'm okay today but I don't recommend participating in psychedelics, especially, in these turbulent times. If I was considering Ayahuasca again, or even the readily available mushrooms here in Playa, I think that I just changed my mind.

I wanna be in control of my mind, especially now during my last days in Mexico while I'm preparing for a new chapter. And I shall live this new beautiful chapter, as I've written it a long time ago.

I need to make some important decisions for the future while living in the present moment - creating from nothing. How?

Taking it one step at the time, paying attention to my thoughts, acting 'as if', and raising my frequency. 

It's hard to stay present when the mistakes of past are still unforgiven, or lurk around threatening to be repeated... 

By the way, don't participate in other people's games... the games that boost their ego or even the narrative of heartache, blame, and separation... do not give your consent to participate.

All the best xxx