The void be gone - not! The void be there and be nourished!

I am celebrating my befriending of the void. It's like my whole 34 years of existence I aspired to this moment 😂
My entire life I felt swallowed by it, so alone - separate, unsafe, and insecure (well, there are still some confidence issues to be tackled). In essence, the hollowness across my chest seemed palpable - this long!
All the shamans, psychics, and clairsentient people would tell me - it's your heart chakra, the impenetrable shield across your chest, nothing can get in, nothing can come out... Thanks for the confirmation!

I've always been drawn to heart-healing crystals and colors, namely, the rose quartz and the color green. But the sad song continued like a broken record in the background. 

Recently, I came to the realization that the void will always be there.... so what can I do to live in harmony with it? Fill it with more self-love and other healthier things, whispered my heart.

I am now nourishing it, I nourish my void with healthier habits and lots of self-love and self-acceptance. My new living situation, and arguing housemates retraumatized me. I had to forgive myself for recreating a familiar situation because clearly, it needed to be healed. Instead of drinking my trauma away or looking for ways to mentally check out, I joined the gym. Spending days taking care of the body means true self-appreciation. It's not a painkiller, escape, or punishment. 

I pat myself on the back for showering my inner child, inner teenager, and the adult self with love, forgiveness, and unconditional acceptance. Nothing bothers me anymore. Ehm, the cow's milk in my morning coffee instead of the coconut milk I paid for extra? Well, it fuckin' pissed me off when I found out around the corner from the cafe! But instead of returning to cause a scene, I figured that it's not gonna kill me to just finish the damn cup!

Getting to know the void all over again has been a blessing :)

I feel so different!