Facing my fear of abandonment, embracing the freedom to be me again, single, not alone.

And just like that... it was over. On my Christmas Eve, his Christmas Day. The necessary deed was done with love and respect intact.

When I hung up his drunker call at 10 pm Mexico time, 3 am UK time, I felt so cross with myself. Again, I wasn't able to voice my truth out loud... I don't wanna imply that he is manipulative with me, he simply knows how to wrap me around his finger and keep me emotionally hooked. I don't like being co-dependent. 

Now or never. I felt invincible after a great dance in my living room, it's my anti-anxiety movement medicine. I rediscover my power, night after night whenever I stick to this practice. 

So I called back and made it a peaceful goodbye. I need to stay single for a while.

I've not felt quite single/free this year. At first, I was a slave to a painful heartbreak, and then I entered a quiet healing mode. Nevertheless, the coupla months before meeting him was a successful period, but it was short. I'm not beating myself up for getting into a rebound. It was necessary.

No heart broke this time around. We're friends, have always been soulmates; physical separation and the decision to not keep perpetuating a long-distance relationship can't break us.

I have different priorities now, and therefore I'm unable and unwilling to keep tight romantic ties over the phone.

Above all, I accepted that my mind is too naughty for this type of dynamic. He would never understand that because he's disciplined, an all-or-nothing kinda man. I admire that, I love that. However, I don't know anymore who I am without him interfering. I think I'd like to enjoy a little more space for color beyond his black-and-white thinking. I need a little more freedom than this at this time.

Have happy holidays with all the colors of the world, especially, if you have to start with a clean slate! 

Pavlina